You're Not Alone

I've been where you are and I have felt the hopelessness that engulfs you when you're in an abusive relationship. But I can also tell you that you can get out and start a whole new life. One where you can be happy and feel safe in your own home. No one should be afraid to be at home and with the person that promised to love and care for you.

I want you to know you aren't alone. There are people out there that care about your safety. Whether they are family members or complete strangers like me and shelter workers. We understand the abuse and how your abuser thinks.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel you just have to be strong enough to walk into the light. It will be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do. I never said it would be easy. It's not. I know this and I know how it feels to be afraid. But I also know you can change things and only you can. But once you free yourself from the agony of that daily abuse you with thrive and grow.

Your abuser will fill your head with tons of threats and lies. Close your ears and mind to this kind of thing. Take your power back. It's time. My abuser's favorite thing to say to me was he would take my kids away and I'd never see them again. He said he would tell the police I was crazy and an unfit mother. Which are all just lies. I would take a bullet for any of my kids. And he knew that but that kept me tethered to him for 15 years. So I get it. But I also got out. It wasn't easy but I did it. And you can too.

You just have to be strong enough to fight for your freedom and a better life. We all deserve that. No one should have to live in fear and walk on eggshells. That was how I felt. Always wondering what kind of mood he would be in and what would set him off. It was constantly in my head.

You deserve to live a happy existence free of fear. These relationships are like a prison. Heck prisoners are probably treated better. Break through those bars and be free of all the physical and emotional abuse. Your abuser poisons the theory of what love is. They don't know how to love and most abusers will never change.

My biggest fear was my boys thinking that is the way you treat a woman. That pushed me to leave. And my boys are wonderful to their wives. I am very blessed for that one small crumb of hope. They are sweet, kind, and loving with their families. And I look back and take one good thing away from this terrible experience...I have four of the best kids in the world. That is the one good thing that came out of my abusive relationship. And for that, I am very thankful to God.

Now don't get me wrong...Safety first and foremost. Never confront your abuser it can be very dangerous depending on how your abuser reacts to confrontation. Most don't deal with it well. So keep that in mind. Come up with a good exit plan. If you have to run in secret like I did then make sure you have the important things you will need with you. I have an exit plan on my website that will help you with that. Before you leave...make sure you have a safe place to go. Never leave with nowhere to go unless your life is in danger. Then just get out. Even if you have to just run to a neighbor's house.

The one thing I focused on was getting out. I took what I could and just left the rest. Remember material objects can be replaced but your life can't. It's just not worth it.

I have sense gotten back on my feet and I'm very happy even though I struggle with PTSD. But I have come to recognize my triggers and try to avoid them. If I can't avoid them I have learned ways to deal with it. It has been a stain on my soul but I'm not letting my abuser control my life anymore.

Now I'm in a relationship with a childhood friend that treats me like a princess. I was nine when I met him. We just happened to get in touch through Facebook. Then it blossomed from there. He is my real life prince charming. You can find that too in time. You have to take time to heal. Then slowly you will get the courage to date again. It took me a bit. But you know that signs of an abuser now. Use that knowledge. Just remember not every man or woman is an abuser. You can find happiness. There is life after abuse. I'm living proof of that.

One last thing. About abusers changing. Now I know this has happened. I'm not saying it's imposable. But it is rare and if someone reading thing has changed the abuse then I praise you for that because it is a hard cycle to break. We would love for you to comment and let us know your story.

Be Safe,
Carey Abbott

If you are in danger please call 911 or get to a safe place.

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